This is Show Biz, Kids; It’s Gotta Sell — Justin’s Rebel Recap

by in Recap, July 8, 2013

Justin's Rebel Recap - Episode 6After the "shocking" and "tragic" (all of cyberspace's words, not mine) elimination of Viet, it's now clear that one misplaced pepper can spell doom for anyone, even an Iron Chef competitor.

Whoever thought up this week's challenge was a real smart prepackaged cookie, because a good POV should be able to be easily printed on a label and slapped onto whatever cooks create. A crystal clear POV is essentially your brand, and without a crystal clear brand (I make rebellious cuisine: It's my right and duty to do so), you're going to end up being just a lonely piece of eggplant in the ratatouille of life.

  • The barbecue guy, Chad, dreams up "Big Boy Baked Beans." These aren’t your ordinary beans, no sir; these are for Big Boys. Perhaps Chad's POV is still wearing pull-ups.
  • Stacey - Food Network Star Season 9Taking hoopty recipes and throwing some rims on them is Stacey. She pitches a hot-rodded version of butterscotch, amped up with cayenne.
  • What Chris didn't realize is that this challenge was about selling himself, not the product. People don’t buy a Guy Fieri knife set because it’s the sharpest blade in the store. They buy it because it’s Guy's knife and they like Guy. When I come out with my squid de-tentacler, you'll probably buy it because you like me and my blogs, right?
  • I think a cooler name for Nikki's product would've been Nikki's Vegged-Out Sauces, and its placement in the store would be on shelves above the meat case. Imagine the logo: a steak sitting on a couch made of peppers and tomatillos, or an armchair of eggplant. Nikki, that's for you, for free. You can have it.
  • Russell begins his pitch with, "I'm here to start a culinary revolution. I'm here to get you to embrace sins. My culinary sins." BOOM SHAKALAKA. That's all it takes. Whatever comes after that is gravy.
  • Damaris wants to find a balance between Karaoke Damaris and Drone Damaris.
  • And now Rodney. With a guitar. And a quiche kit made out of coat hangers and gaffers tape. That's all I have to say.

Cue the Scary Music

Food Network Star Season 9Damaris, Stacey and Russell were the complete package this week, while Chad, Nikki, Chris and Rodney were all recalled goods. Chad has whooped it up from the get-go, but this week his beans were as pretty as, well, a pile of beans. Nikki's awesome POV lacked depth and articulation. Chris had as much authenticity as a three-dollar bill. Rodney was an entertainer as opposed to an expert.

In the end, the judges couldn’t see the connection between the person Chris is and the food Chris cooks.

The Moral of the Story: When I was in high-school journalism class, the school newspaper needed some extra funds. Someone came up with the idea of having a bake sale. It was a flop. Why? Nobody trusted the journalism kids to cook good food. It wasn't our forte. There was no connection. The bake sale was canceled.

Chris, with a little more packaging, could have been just the man for the job. Imagine a show called The Bake Sale, wherein we are taken to Chris' kitchen as he cooks up a Food Network Star version of regional specialties, like, say, the apples in Ohio. From here, Chris sells the goods to people on behalf of a charity in need of some cash flow.

Chris had an uphill battle from the start. It's clear to me what the transformative power of food can be and Chris could definitely spearhead said movement, but alas, this is show biz, kids. It’s gotta sell.

Threat of the Week: Russell. Rewatch his first pitch in Episode 1 and compare it to last night's. This is what Food Network Star is about: growth. Forget the veggies, embrace the sins.Russell - Food Network Star Season 9

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Comments (259)

  1. BGirl says:

    You write very well. Obviously, your participation in journalism club served you well in this arena. That said, I voted for you to win last season (based on your interesting food offerings). And YOU Won! So, what happened to your prize (i.e. your own show)? You are living proof that this show is a sham.

    • Dori says:

      Meh. Sarah De Heer and Maria Russo write better. They write clearly without all the hipster or downtown jargon.They don't need to have their cronies come onto their front page after their recaps each week and say how cool they are. I think poor Justin is about ready to have an ulcer if people don't like his blog. Sarah and Maria don't need to worry about it. Just write. We don't need an urban dictionary lesson.

  2. Gina says:

    Fashion review. Looking at the above pics, is Bobby losing weight? His face looks thinner. Am I seeing things or does Stacey have kinda hairy forearms? Nikki's jacket is cool. Chad has a good smile but will we ever see him dress up just once? Damaris looks good in deep shades of colors. Russell looks like he just threw on a shirt after working out at the club.

  3. David says:

    I'm going to be honest, I liked it a few years back better when Susie, Bob, and Bobbie were the judges, and there were no mentors.

    I felt like the show was more about cooking back then, and less glitzy than it has become. Unfortunately, in the last couple of years, I believe this show has taken a downward turn....

    • Nadine says:

      I like the judging this year. Susie drove people to drink with endless harping about tell me who you are. Ughh. They could use more one on one mentoring though. They should not split the group into teams. They should be mentored as they go from all three judges.

      • David says:

        I definitely agree with not splitting them into teams. Last season was by far the worst I've ever seen. This season, in my opinion, is better, but not where it once was.

  4. jlj9858 says:

    This show has become very disingenuous. Why is Rodney in the last 3? He can't even cook! What is FN looking for anyway? Are they trying to become another Bravo; talentless hacks with over the top narcissism lusting for fame? I thought your network was about FOOD.

  5. Crouton40 says:

    P.S.--i have a hunch, that as we get closer to the end, people may become a little meaner..i.e...slamming who they don't want to win. While people can certainly write however they want and express any negative feelings they have, I am always glad to see: This one, should win, and is doing better than that one, because....
    Anyone can slam. But what makes your favorite, better than the others? That goes for me, too.