Maybe I was delusional, maybe I was naïve. But for some strange reason, I not only agreed to do the Twinkie diet, but I was the one to suggest it. I committed myself to 48 hours of living off only Twinkies. Those golden sponges filled with a mysterious cream that can survive nuclear bombs, hurricanes, droughts have found a special place in my heart over the years. And after two days, they have swiftly found a way onto my thighs too.
So, here are the rules: You can eat only Twinkies. You can drink water, coffee and tea. You must eat two Twinkies every three hours until you have maxed out on your daily calorie intake. That’s it.
I did some quick research and compared three calorie-counting calculators to find out just how many calories I should be consuming to lose weight. The calculators compute your height, weight, gender and fitness level, then magically spew a number — mine is 1,360 calories if I want to lose 2 pounds in one week. (This is the maximum healthy level of weight loss one should work toward.)
Now, let’s do some simple Twinkie math. 1 Twinkie has 130 calories. If I’m eating every three hours, I must eat two Twinkies every three hours (as I’m not awake 24 hours a day and thus cannot eat one every three hours to meet 1,300 calories). So this ends up being my strict schedule: Two Twinkies at 8 a.m., 11 a.m., 2 p.m., 5 p.m. and 8 p.m. This gets me to 1,310 calories. If this is too much nonsense, here’s what to know: I had to eat 10 Twinkies per day.
Bored? Let’s get to the good stuff.