There’s a certain excitement in the air when a new restaurant opens up in the neighborhood. Finally, a reason to leave the house. However, not all eateries are worthy of you escaping from your bubble of Netflix and Facebook “Likes.” Some of them are downright failures in every conceivable way possible. Here are the worst of the worst of these sad experiments in eating displeasure, the biggest successes in failure-dom, if you will.
One of the great struggles of existence is trying to decide what dessert to shove down your gaping maw. Apple pie sure is good, but so is chocolate cake and, oh, what about pumpkin pie? Life is hard! However, does it have to be? One bakery decided to just put every dessert in one big cake.
Three Brothers Bakery in Texas have just unveiled their take on the Turducken, the Pumpecapple Piecake. This beastly baked good contains layers of apple pie, pumpkin pie, chocolate cake and pecan pie. Additionally, there is caramel sauce and icing between every layer. Somehow the whole thing manages to stay aloft, which is a marvel unto itself.
Ah, the open road. You know you are really and truly on a road trip when you pull into your first gas station and start gorging on gross snacks. What if, however, those snacks weren’t gross? There are only so many Corn Nuts and pieces of beef jerky a person can eat, after all. Some gas stations across this great land of ours have eschewed the gross in favor of the gourmet. On tonight’s season premiere of Offbeat Eats with Jim Stacy, you’ll get to pull off the tourist-jammed highway to fuel up on some of these secret gas station restaurants.
You’ll have to tune in at 9:30pm ET to see Jim’s picks, but in the meantime, here are some of our favorite fancy-pants gas stations that serve fancy-pants grub.
Burgers. Some people like them simple. They want the patty itself to do the talking. Other people, however, treat them like a canvas, topping them with anything and everything they can think of. This burger is definitely in the latter camp. As a matter of fact, it’s just about the craziest burger in recent memory.
The Nerd Lunch Burger, created by Nick at Dude Foods, is a massive testament to excess. All told, it features three burger patties and the list of toppings is pretty much an average person’s entire grocery order. Are you sitting down? It’s topped with cream cheese, mushrooms sautéed in bacon fat, French fries and mustard. It’s also topped with green chiles, goat cheese, peanut butter and a fried egg. It’s also topped with onion rings, chili, blue cheese, swiss cheese and beetroot. Phew. Finally done. Oh wait. Never mind. There’s one last topping – An entire bacon cheeseburger, bun and all.
Sometimes you just want to eat a whole bunch of precious metals. Unfortunately, most restaurant menus are suspiciously devoid of menu items containing diamonds, gold or even platinum. They just want to hog all the treasure for themselves! One London eatery, however, is sharing in the wealth by introducing a burger that is literally covered in sweet, sweet gold.
Honky Tonk, an American-themed diner in London, just rolled out their Glamburger. Just how glam is it? Well, in addition to the buns being dipped in gold leaf, the whole thing is also topped with a gold-covered duck egg. Don’t worry. This gold is fully edible (so they say.) The patty itself is comprised of glamorous Kobe Wagyu beef and venison. Two animals meeting on the afterlife dinner plate isn’t quite enough, however. There’s also Iranian saffron-poached lobster and candied bacon in the mix. That’s four! It’s like a tasty zoo.
What if you are desperately itching to get drunk but also wanting to chow down on a bowl of refreshing ice cream? You can’t just pour a bunch of booze into a half-eaten pint, as that would be absolutely disgusting. No, it looks like you’ll have to travel to Japan to taste what Häagen-Dazs has just brought to the table.
Häagen-Dazs Japan has just unveiled a booze-flavored ice cream dessert. The treat, called Antoinette, is made from “high-grade red wine” from Bordeaux, France. It also features a layer of plain frozen custard and, due to its cake-loving namesake, a pillowy layer of sponge cake.
There aren’t exactly many Native American restaurants in this country, which is kind of a bummer. As a matter of fact, New York City boasts exactly zero. Minneapolis, however, will soon house one. Even cooler? Fortunately, the creator promises the entire menu will come from the days before colonization. Unfortunately, that means no pizza.
The eatery, which will be named The Sioux Chef, is set to feature the area’s only Native American menu. The items on order here will be the real deal, as in actual meals that were prepared many, many moons ago. This means stuff like Wojapi soup — which is made from duck and dandelion — and stewed rabbit with fiddlehead fern. Many of the dishes are inherently familiar and exotic at the same time. In other words, it’ll probably be delicious.
Do you feel that gentle lilt in the air? Fall is upon us, forcing us to take those light sweaters out of the closet. As an added bonus, the season also brings fallen leaves in every color of the rainbow. These leaves are pretty to look at, but why stop there? Let’s put ‘em in a big bowl and eat ‘em! That’s what the residents of one Japanese town do.
Minoo City, in the province of Osaka, has a signature dish: a bowl of deep-fried leaves! Local chefs take the Japanese maple leaf, known in Japan as momiji, and plate it up as a crunchy bowl of tempura. Momiji tempura is so popular, as a matter of fact, that it has made the town something of a destination spot for tourists.
Breakfast. The most important meal of the day. The one time of day you are encouraged to eat bacon and eggs with absolutely no guilt. That’s because a couple of eggs and a few strips of bacon clock in at, what, 400 calories? What if your favorite breakfast goodies tipped the scale at a massive 8,000 calories? There might be some guilt involved, in that case.
Bear Grills in Cheshire, England just started serving up something called the Hibernator. It’s a whopping 8,000 calories of breakfast item goodness. What’s in this beast? Eight pieces of bacon and eight sausages, four hash browns, four pieces of toast, four potato waffles, four slices of fried bread a four-egg cheese omelette, beans, fries and, for health purposes, tomatoes and mushrooms. Just in case you aren’t satisfied by the spread laid out in front of you, it also comes with a giant milkshake. Cool!
One of the great tragedies of modern life is the need to actually leave the house in order to purchase copious amounts of booze. All of that walking. All of that chatting with liquor store employees. All of that staring at receipts. It’s just so tiring! Thank goodness, then, that a team of industrious entrepreneurs has invented an app that lets you order whatever spirits you want with a push of a touchscreen.
The app, conveniently named Saucey, works similarly to other on-demand services like Netflix and Grubhub. You decide what kind of alcohol you desperately want to imbibe and then it undergoes a two-part delivery process to end up at your door. First it heads to your local liquor store and from there it lovingly appears on your doorstep, ready for all the drunk texting you can muster.